What do you speak?

I speak aviation. My daughter speaks planets and solar system. My son speaks bums and farts. My baby speaks motor. And my hubby speaks bollywood. We have our own jargon. When things go wrong, I say Mayday Mayday. When the food is hot, my daughter says, my food is so hot like the sun and…

Speedbreakers.

Have you ever felt like you are standing in a big hall with hundreds of doors. And you keep running to find a way out or up. And each door you run to keeps shutting down? I am in such a hall way. This whole month of September, straight from Day 1 has been that…

9:42 am. Monday morning

My hand yearns to write. My brain itches with words to pour our. I feel so dejected. I guess I have to make do with whatever distractions I can follow to keep me sane. Life is really heartbreaking without a laptop for me. It was my only non-human bestfriend.

Junked

7:49 pm. You know that feeling that creeps in when you are having a really great time, the feeling that things may turn real bad later on. I din’t just have the feeling, I got smashed again. My laptop’s wifi shut down. Doesn’t budge. I feel so angry from the inside. I was in the…

A beautiful morning.

Today has been one of the best mornings in a very long time. My daughter was super happy today. She got to take her new lunch bag and a super cool hoodie jacket to school. My son was super happy too, he had a pair of really awesome hiker shoes for school. (He ended up…

9:45 am

I am at the TTC station. Feels different sitting here. The last time I sat waiting for this bus, was when my baby was in my belly. Now he is in his stroller, peacefully sleeping. I feel physically better and stronger than before. I still crave sleep. It is good over all though. Time changes…

Teach me

I loved him. I gave him my all. I nurtured his soul like a feeble plant strengthened in a pot of soil. I fed him, nourished him with the best. I fought with his demons and the voices that tore his mind apart. I bathed his soul with the fragrance of peace. I held his…

Look me in the eyes and smile.

Today is 9 September. My son Shahid turned 5 years today. Birthdays have been celebrated in my husband’s home with grandeur. There is a big cake, lots of food and snacks, gifts and pictures. All of our close relatives were invited. My kids were always the center of attraction. When we moved to Canada, it…

12:00 pm

A beautiful gazal by Jagjit Singh playing in the background. A sunny September afternoon. The smell of a hot meal being prepared wafts in my home. The kids busy playing in their blanket forts. My little baby peacefully sleeping . I miss my hubby though. He is off to his hometown. Even then, I mended…

12:09 am

I am in a limbo. I am stuck. Once again. In deep muck. I am tired of compromising. I am tired of lowering my standards. I am tired tired tired. I am so tired. I am tired of minding my kids. I am tired of cooking everyday, cleaning so many times a day, living in…

So tired.

We are at the park after a couple of days. I watched Shawshank Redemption recently. Today I feel like I’m free too. I don’t want to go home. I love my kids. But I am tired of constantly yelling or sorting things, or cleaning or cooking, wiping, feeding, sleeping, eating. I am tired of constantly…

Unfinished

In the draft part of my blog, lay unfinished blog posts. Each begun with a surge of emotions, that quickly died. I am in a stale state. I feel like a sunken boat in the depths of the ocean. My arms ache. I cannot write further today. My body and soul, both are tired.

Breaking own records

It takes me 15 – 18 minutes to walk from my home to the library. As my pregnancy progressed, my pace slowed down and the time gradually went from 20 to 30 minutes. Today marks 2 month 2 weeks since my delivery. By God’s grace, using all the power I can muster, I convinced and…

Toys… a bazillion toys.

When I was a little child, my parents bought toys for us on special occasions, like on the two Eids, after final exam results, and beginning of the two-months long summer vacations. I had a fair amount of toys, not very expensive ones, but also not the cheaper ones. Once in a while dad did…