Unthankful

You know what happens when one gets above and beyond their need, one sometimes forgets to be thankful. One forgets to be grateful.

And then this happens. Time gives you time. Guilt pokes you. And for impertinent fools like me blessings then become the biggest challenges of my life.

It is not of my nature to be ungrateful. But I did. I forgot to be thankful. I forgot to acknowledge my blessings.

And now, I have become a ticking disaster. Every thing that was my blessing is slipping from beneath my feet. And the good news I got?

It became my nightmare.

As I walked home from the subway, in this very chilly windy weather, I felt like the fallen leaves. The faded autumn.

I was clearly an ass. I had a wonderful summer. A wonderful early autumn. I got what I yearned for. Everything..and even more. And like a fully bummed ass, like a stoned fool, I let time pass. Being grumpy about the things not in my hands or what I don’t have.

So now, I am paying for my mistakes. For being unthankful. It’s easy to make up to man. But to God?

How do you tell God you are sorry? How do you tell God that you forgot to pray. Or that you remembered to pray each time but it off, binge watching some stuff that would never do any good anyway.

I had came here with so many hopes and dreams. And now, I don’t know.

But then no. I am a phoenix. I rise from my own dust. I shall plead with God. To forgive me. For not Thanking Him. For not remembering him for this unbounded favor. I have had a little difficult life. But now when it got easier and fun, I forgot God,

We get so easily hurt by our dear ones when they forget us. We are so dear to God. Why was I so lazy?

Just like the spring, I have to come back, To give Thanks again. To pray again. To be grateful again…..

 

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Pouring Rain

Things have looked brighter than my previous post. Such is love. It kills you once and you think that you are done with everything. Then one smile, one hug and one heartfelt embrace, then all the angst melts away. Like new…everything rebirths itself.

Toronto had one windy rainy Monday. I was taken by surprise, utterly overwhelmed. I wasn’t wearing too much warm clothes and the rain hit my face through my children’s umbrella. I ran across the store and got a huge lovely one for me.

Man must never expect anything from man. Man must only expect from God and that too in full faith. Simple to say. Simple to believe. Hard to execute.

I caught a cold, a headache and a lousy itchy throat.

Feeling a lot better today, hence out and about in the library.

I was hell bent on getting a part time job last week. Everything was out fine till Saturday morning when my partner asked me to give myself some more time before I plunged into the workforce. I know I have lots of hours between my kids schooling. It broke my heart for the thought to not work again and wait for I don’t know how long. But I am glad I waited and listened to him. I fell ill this week. That would have been fatal on the job first week.

I have hence come up with a new idea. I shall teach people English. There are many I see here struggling for the same. I shall do my best flex my schedule.

I hope to do a lot of things:

  1. Buy a new laptop
  2. Buy a cellphone for myself
  3. Redo my wardrobe and kids too
  4. Get a Canadian Degree
  5. Buy a car.

Till here. I want to reach till here minimum. One day I hope to run an empire. I dream of running an organisation. Make a change in people’s lives.

Or maybe I am being too fancy….

So long…

Its been so long. Once again. Do I lack consistency? Maybe, maybe no.

Have you ever fallen. Into a deep abyss. Such that you feel you are climbing out. But as soon as you look up to see how much more to go. Then you gawk at how much more to go on. Then you slip. Then you fall back down there.

Kya shay hai ujadna

Hamein maloom nahi tha

Hum royenge ithna

Hamein maloom nahi tha

Behjayega chehra

Hamein maloom nahi tha….

I got stuck on repeat to this song.

As I sit here at 12:05 am in the night, I just retrospect on myself. I have drifted away. From who I used to be.

There has been an emptiness within me since childhood.

Waise toh nazar atey hai

Sabh apne hai lekin

Koi nahi hai apna

Hamein maloom nahi tha….

Auron ke liye

Hum basatey rahey duniya

Khojayega ka rasta

Padjayega marna

Khojayega saaya

Hamein maloom nahi tha

Hum royenge ithna

Hamein maloom nahi tha…

Apne tootey huwey

Khwabon ko

Sambhalun kaise

Khud ko duniya

Ki nigaho se

Chupalo kaise

Apne haaton se diya

Dil ka bhujalu kaise?….

Lost in the pages…

Time flies. In my case, it is really rapid. I am hardly finding time to do all the things. Maybe I need to step back and look again at my day.

I’ve been gone from my blog for a while. Reason? Cooking, PARENTING TWO KIDS ON A TWO MONTH VACATION, reading a REALLY thick novel, and binge watching Pakistani Dramas…oh and yes Wifery.

We’ve been making a couple of trips to the Woobine Beach here in Toronto. Lovely place.

I have a lot of posts and emotions to outpour!

Nibah… a closure…

Its raining outside gently….a romantic song in the backdrop….perfect setting for a new blog post…

As I had mentioned earlier, there is a tiny little hobby I developed. Binge-watching Pakistani dramas. Not all of them. Some of them.

The one that caught my whole attention and I couldn’t wait every Friday for the new episode to be telecast-ed.

The show named being Nibah.

Beautiful story, elegantly enacted, outstanding performance of all of the characters, eloquently worded with the right amount poetic verses. Most of all, the exemplary ability to raise emotions of anger, happiness and sadness for the characters in the story.

It annoyed me to be disturbed while watching the episodes.

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Although this TV series has nothing in common with my life, it is something amazing.

The story begins with a lovely family of five. A middle-aged couple with two teenage children and a little girl. Their lavish happy lifestyle is struck down with an unfortunate attack of cancer to the centre of the family- the mother Saiqa (Played by Savera Nadeem).

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Absolutely elegant character of a mother who showed the importance of bonding the family together.

Upon her death her devastated husband, Shaheer ( Played by Asif Raza Mir) is advised by his dear friend to find a way to open up for a new woman in his life for himself and his children who badly need a mother.

On the other side, Sofia ( Played by Amina Sheikh) is a soft spoken, practical, humble person with an ocean of patience.

As the story goes, she is engaged to her cousin Majid ( played by Amir Qureshi), who only got engaged (Written Nikah) to her so that his mother lets him settle in Dubai. Three years down the lane, there is no interest shown by him to marry Sofia. This disturbs her greatly. Her mother and sister are blinded by her fears and the something-is-not-right feeling that is engulfing her. Suddenly the mother-in-law announces a marriage date. On the day of the Mehendi/Mayo (pre-bridal shower), the mother-in-law turns up this time with a brown envelope containing the awful news of separation as he has already married someone he loves in Dubai.

This breaks apart the world for Sofia, a teacher in a middle class family. She wipes her tears and gets back to work the next day itself, only to be barraged with the constant gossip, insult and condescending words of her colleague and the Principal herself. A top class teacher in the Defense School, she pales to her compatriots due to the events in her private life.

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Sofia’s sister was to be married the son of her aunt. They are utterly dismayed at the event of Sofia’s divorce. So much so that, the aunt buys a Rishta (proposal) for Sofia so that as soon as Sofia is married, she can bring in her daughter-in-law.

The proposal is of Shaheer. A widower, with three children. A heartless mother, just to save her reputation and to hurry away with her responsibilities of marrying the daughters, overrides her husband’s decision, her daughter’s refusal and forces Sofia to marry Shaheer.

A somewhat rude beginning to their life, Shaheer feeling shy and confused on how to deal with this new event in his life, Sofia beginning to adjust to the utter rudeness of the elder kids as well as basking in the love of the little daughter Fenny. The two older children Mubashir and Saira, hate the fact that their father is coming closer towards their new mother. Although they realise she isn’t wicked it hurt them to see someone in their mother’s place. Although Sofia makes it very clear from the beginning that she hasn’t come to take anyone’s place or snatch anything from anyone. She just wants to join a broken family and try to make it whole again.

The one person who cannot stand all of this is Mubashir. This is because, Ms Sofia, as he calls her, is also his Class teacher. As he is into smoking and slowly slips into drugs intake along with his evil friend Fahad, his enemity soars too high. He becomes the character that brings the entire twist to the story.

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Apparently Majid (Sofia’s ex) is destroyed as his wife in Dubai leaves him, taking away everything he owns. He comes back to Pakistan hoping to patch up with Sofia. This advantage is taken by Mubashir who throw Majid into the middle of Sofia and Shaheers’ newly emerging love. The new marriage gets rocked by doubts of infidelity propounding by Mubashir blaming Sofia for everything in the house infront of their dad. Majid also picks up speed convincing Sofia’s mother to break Sofia’s marriage so he could patch up with her.

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The story then stalled a few episodes just gaining doubts on Sofia and her resilience and silence over the accusations against her. Her aunt who married her son to Sofia’s sister takes money from Majid’s mother to patch the two up for a marriage. In a fit of anger after seeing complete betrayal shown to her by her husband, sister, mother, Majid, and eventually her much loved father, she signs up for divorce with her husband Shaheer. It is then when Shaheer realises that he loves Sofia but is finding it hard to trust her after finding her with Majid in cafes and stores. He believes what meets his eyes, and he trusts his children more than Sofia. Between these lines, Saira, the daughter realises what they have done, regrets her decision to support her brother in spoiling the reputation of Sofia, after she is save by her during an assault by Fahad.

 

After a series of conversations with Shaheer, who requests her to apologise, she decides its time to go home. In the end, the spoilt brat Fahad is faced with mouth cancer due to drugs. Upon seeing that, teenage Mubashir freaks out and confesses everything to his father of the innocence of Sofia. Shaheer too himself retrospects what a sorry husband he has been to Sofia who asked nothing of him but trust and companionship.

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Much to the chagrin of Majid and Sofia’s mother, the family unites on a happy note.

 

 

 

Passing the time in pixels.

I saw my little sister doing this. It intrigued me to no ends. I did not get the time till this week to actually download the app.

Introducing colouring by pixel. So what we do is we are given a picture, we zoom in on it, and the picture is pixelised to alphabet and numbers that correspond to the colour palette required for the photo.

And we colour accordingly.

Helped me pass my time. Gave me the satisfaction of putting things in proper place ( a slight sense of ocd). Calmed me down among the chaos my kids and husband create. My thoughts somehow stop running in my head and all I am doing is digitally colouring.

I shall find an adult colouring book and grab some markers and begin colouring. I love that peace it gives.

Just among these lines, once upon a time I was a budding artist. I loved colour pencils and and I used to sit down and draw and colour lots and lots of pictures. I received a lot of appreciation for that at school. But my parents thought colouring was a childish hobby for a teenager and they often ridiculed me for it. And then my sister started doing the same and somehow I let go of colouring amd drawing. At one point I told her I let it so that she could excel in it. And man, has she excelled! My sister is an artist with a Pro level. She is this really amazing talented artist eho works both physical art and digital art. I hope someday she becomes famous for her work. It broke me to see she couldn’t pursue it as a career but she hasn’t backed down.

So I let go of it all. Once in a while, the artist in my yearns to do drawing and colouring once again. Maybe I might begin soon. I must.

Product Review..shampoo..

Its the worst. Ever.

I am not one who complains about products because they are of two types. One that make a genuine difference and one that are normal and not much of an effect is found using them.

But this. It has to be written down. I would never recommend anyone on this planet to use this item. Ever. I don’t even know why anyone would buy it. No wonder it was in full stock when I bought it.

This is what I bought. The Sunsilk stunning black shine shampoo from India, Dmart.

The thing is I used Sunsilk Hairfall shampoo. But that wasn’t available in the store. As my dad had earlier gifted me this very shampoo from the Saudi Arabia, I thought okay well this will also do.

But it did not.

It smells horrid. When mixed with water it looks like dirt from black jeans after a forest trek. It is very oily. It doesn’t wash my hair properly.

It put my hairfall back in full swing.

Yuck.

No matter how much water I run through my hair, it still feels icky.

Ugh.

I have never ever cribbed about anything so much in my life as this one shampoo.

I can’t wait for it to finish so I can get my fav one.