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I write again.

I have been away for a while. Enjoying my sunshine to its fullest.

God answers prayers.

I started taking math tutions  for an 8th grader. This can also be read as my coffers getting filled once more! Well, no actually, I did this to kill time and make the most of it. Math sums have run my dusty cogwheels again. After a long time.

I am also teaching my bro-inlaw Accountancy subjects.

Amidst this, I enjoyed the love being showered on me by my better half.

Like nature, after the day, the sun sets. The darkness comes out.

And like summer gives into rain, my good days faded a bit and now the rain has begin to pitter patter.

I find myself very weak at this point of life. Physically. My legs hurt. A lot. Not just hurt, its such a dainty word. My legs PAIN. Around my knees especially.

My FIL constantly belittles my parenting. It goes to my head and demotivates me beyond words. I am trying to raise strong kids. I don’t want them to grow up as tantrum throwers and cry babies, craving attention. And in the midst of this, both my kids are 3-4 aged and they EAT my head. I have so much pent up frustration, that I eventually yell at them. I am trying very hard to handle all the aspects of my life. Pulling together cooking, household duties, washing, cleaning, ass wiping as soon as I wake up, everything, along with a little bit of teaching, and somebody tells me on my face that I am doing parenting level -1.

I am trying very hard. I am among people, who when I am given a choice I would abandon at first notice. The amount of negativity drags me into the mud daily, that I let my tears run in the shower. I am holding myself with a piece of thread. Hope. Just Hope. That things will be alright. Giving time, some time.

The first showers of the year began on Wednesday. The literal rain. The sound of the droplets excited the child in me. But that died sooner than I wanted it too. The adult-ness of life, quietened me. I just watched my white candle melt away.

A distant cousin of mine won an award for poetry. I am happy for him. But deep down, a voice in me sighed deeply. I was a poet too. I thought I buried the poet in me. I buried Rose. Or so I thought. She yelled from within, yesterday. Under the sky with the fading sun. Rose woke up within me. (Nope I don’t have MPD, Rose is my poetic nickname). Why did I stop writing poetry? I don’t really know. But when I did stop, everyone else was writing. I have always wandered towards paths not taken. Well, I have now fallen in a pit. There is a way out that is visible to me, but it has a rope that I have to climb. A rope that I have been trying to climb since October 2015. God knows I tried my best. I keep slipping halfway through. God help me out.

Another thing that beats the brains out of me is my dysfunctional mobile phone. In this such a modern day and age, I am stuck with two hopeless mobile phones. Lava A79 and an even useless Nokia XL.

My Lava A79 is struck with a virus that attacks my phone as soon as I turn on an internet connection. I lost contacts, messages, and so many things in trying to wipe format and reboot the phone. And just as the bright screen gets on, I am hit with the virus again. And yeah, my daughter decided one day to pull out the charger cable while my phone was charging. The inner pins of the phone got slightly twisted. Charging that phone now is pure torture.

Nokia XL? Its Nokia. Incomplete version of an Android. The phone fell last year, so there’s spiderweb cracks on my screen held together by cellotape. Battery drains as fast as it charges. The browser dies on me often.

I also lost my 8GB memory card.

I can continue writing so many paragraphs on things going wrong with me right now. I spend the whole of yesterday crying at the same time hiding my tears from my loved ones. Hard things can’t be ignored for long. My human heart shrieks out from time to time.

Nothing is in my hands. Everything is going by flow.

My tuition kid flunked her math exam. Because her basics are poor. And we dint have more than a week to prepare for the exam. Failures in life punch me in my belly.

I haven’t. But I have failed as a mom, failed as a daughter, failed as a teacher, failed my health. I am masking myself infront of my parents. I can’t tell them my problems simply because they can’t solve it. Instead they would just worry. I don’t want to put the bag of worries on anyone’s shoulders. But I am also getting tired of fighting this battle like a lone brave soldier. I am not brave. I am just a broken person held together by hope in God and love from my hubby.

I have  got to stop myself from withering away into emptiness. Time is dragging.

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2017 in Pouring It Out...

 

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Penning problems.

January 1, or actually January 2 12:00 a.m

I have been harboring a lot of blog posts in my head. I found it hard to find the time to type them down.

Its just been a new year beginning. They say if you build your present with the bricks of a tomorrow, then you aren’t building anything new. I am trying hard to begin not just each year, but also each month with a fresh start. Everything is alright except a few nagging issues. One of which has carried over to this year. My mobile phone is infested with a pathetic virus. I downloaded an antivirus, called Malwarebytes. This app detected a Trojan Spy Thief. Two files that I am unable to uninstall.

I have a Lava A79. Its not been even a full year since hubby gifted me this phone. Everything was fine until two months ago, I really don’t know what happened, I started getting pop up messages about strange game installations. A while later, these games started getting installed automatically. Scariest part happened, when I started recharging the balance of my phone. The game apps get installed an deducted 20 bucks straight out of my talktime balance.

This is utterly creepy. I am being charged for games that I haven’t installed by myself. It is like a plague.

Here is what I tried doing to solve the issue:
1) Looked up the internet for solutions. They don’t work. One solution was to put my phone on Safe Mode and then try to remove any unknown looking app. I tried. There is no unknown looking app in phone!
2) Transfered all of my photos and videos from my SD Card and formatted it. Then placed back my media on the SD Card.
3) Reset my PHONE!
4) Created new gmail ID for linking and syncing my phone.
5) I thought maybe my SD Card is infected. So removed my SD Card, making my phone dependent only on internal memory.

WHERE IS THE VIRUS????? HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?

The other issue is, that our home wifi router is fixated in the hall. My room is the last one in the house. Very low connectivity in my room. It is very annoying that I cannot use the internet in the comfort of my room. I use my cellphone when I am not doing house chores. That is when I am in my room. It must be the most minor issue on this planet. But it frustrates me.
1) The modem/cable cannot be extended.
2) The router cannot be brought forward in the middle of the house, because it needs to be connected to the PC, which again cannot be moved from the hall.
3) The PC cannot be used for internet purposes, read Blogging, because it is toooo slow, either due to virus or I don’t know what other PC problem.
And oh, that low connectivity disappears to NO connectivity every night at or after around 11 pm.(I have to type my blog posts and post them later).

Hoping to find the solutions to these very soon. These tiny issues are like tiny worms, gnawing my a part of my brain slowly, driving me insane on mini step at a time.

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2017 in Pouring It Out...

 

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Wide-eyed tech-freak…

 

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This is another side of me. An open-mouthed, wide-eyed, immensely awestruck side of me. I love technology. It is really a very very very exciting thing for me each time I hear of a new release. Be it about laptops, cellphones, the internet, tabs, anything everything related to technology.

There was a rosy time of mine, when I was always updated and full of details about the latest stuff in the market. Now I have slowed down. But I still love techie stuff. I yearn to bring back that time, yearn to be aware of every detail of the great and not so great improvements in technology.

It gave me immense joy, when yesterday I sat down and counted up the things I held so close to my heart.

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My dad gifted me an Acer Laptop. When I passed out tenth grade with distinction. I used it with love for seven whole years. The only reason I have abandoned it now, is because its bluetooth no longer works, its OS cannot be updated anymore, and most important reason is the wifi doesn’t connect anymore.

There are two laptops I am eyeing right now. Let’s see what fate hands to me. One is the Lenovo Yoga 13. It has an enthralling flexible design. And some great features:

Graphics Intel® HD Graphics 4000 (integrated)
Dimensions 333.4 x 224.8 x 16.9 mm (13.1 x 8.9 x 0.67″)
Camera 1.0M 720p HD integrated webcam
Display 13.3″ HD+IPS capacitive multitouch display (16:9 widescreen) (1600×900)

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The other laptop is the Hp Spectre. My reason for adoring it: pure blithe design. (It is too dreamy to be true!!!!)

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It has awesome specifications too:

  • CPU: 2.2GHz Intel Core i5-5200 (dual-core, 3MB cache, up to 2.7GHz with Turbo Boost)
  • Graphics: Intel HD Graphics 5500.
  • RAM: 8GB DDR3 (1600Mhz)
  • Screen: 13.3-inch, 1,920 x 1,080 FHD Radiance LED-backlit touchscreen.
  • Storage: 256GB SSD.
  • Ports: 3x USB 3.0; HDMI, mini DisplayPort, headphone/microphone combo.

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I bought a Geepas walkman. Because I was tired of borrowing it from my friends in school days. Okay, I never had enough to buy the Ipod that was trending at that time and somehow I wasn’t very attracted to the mp3 players. Until, after I bought my walkman.

Oh well. And then I bought my first cellphone. It was my LOVE. Pink, delicate, slider Samsung J600. It had the following specifications:

Released 2007, April
20MB storage, microSD (dedicated slot) card                                                                                1.3MP camera, GSM Technology

It had a slippery feeling, and it slipped on my tiled floor a lot of times. This lead to the damage of the speaker, and then even the navigation keys stopped working.

So I went ahead and bought a Nokia E63. This was my LOVE tooooo. It is still working and really dear to me. It just got obsolete because it wasn’t a touchscreen smartphone. It has the following specifications:

Released 2008, December
Symbian OS 9.2                                                                                                                                 Screensize: 2.36 inches
120MB storage, microSD card slot

My next targeted phone is the Samsung S6 Edge. It is not the latest phone in the market. But that is the thing about me. I don’t go after the latest. I go after the one that I can’t keep my eyes of and can’t stop thinking about it. S6 did that to me.

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Until I get hold of this phone, I have to make-do with my Lava A79.

When I had a hard time finding books to read, I was downloading and reading pdf novels on my Nokia E63. I knew I’d lose my eyesight reading that tiny font. So I decided to get an Ipad 2. For the sole purpose of reading on large font (Hahahahaha!!!!), I grabbed one from Jarir Bookstore, KSA in 2012.

ipad2big

I used it with great care, until my daughter was born. She dominated its usage. And by the middle of 2013, it got cracks on a side and the home button got stuck often. Ipad 2 didn’t win my heart. Although being my most expensive purchase till date, it just didn’t awe me. I had a hard time downloading audio files to the ios format. I also had a tough time getting games. Besides being an avid reader, I am a huge game enthusiast. Ipad was a huge disappointment for gaming. It had a great camera though. I have some amazing pictures taken from it.

The Ipad 2 had such a great camera, that I did not need to use my Fujifilm camera anymore. That camera was a great buy for me. It has been so good over the years, that even till today I take pictures from it. Lava a79 doesn’t support great megapixels. Thus, I have resorted to take pictures from the camera.

Home life has side-tracked me from a lot of my passions. It is time I get back to them. I have to fill the mind-numbing voids of my days. I cannot just simply cross off days from my calendar. I have to make my days count.

I am not promising, but urging my inner self. I shall get updated and post more about new stuff that hit the tech market.

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on September 24, 2016 in Techno World

 

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